1. Mirror their Body Language
“… and don’t underestimate the importance of body language” Ursula “The Little Mermaid 1989
Body language is abundantly important in the way we communicate with people. We can often tell how a person is feeling without them even saying a word thanks to body language alone. In fact, BBC Science tells us that when a person is deciding whether they are attracted to someone “55% is through body language”.
It’s super important, then, to make a good impression right away. This means you should not cower and make yourself as small as possible, but neither should you act like King or Queen of the world. Instead, ensure that your body language is open so that it is easier to change it up.
One of the best ways to tackle this is by seeing how your prospective ‘flirtee’ (the person you want to flirt with) is sitting or standing. You can mirror their body language to make them more comfortable with you. This lets them know that you can get on their level and adapt yourself to their needs. It happens in established relationships and friendships naturally, so by attempting to mirror them when flirting you are more likely to create a bond.
Taking note of their body language can also help you to read the signals they are giving off. Just as we can express our attraction to someone through our body language, we can also show someone we are not interested. If the person is closed off, not smiling, avoiding eye contact, answering in as little words as possible or trying to ignore you then take this as a sign that they are not interested and back off. Try not to take this personally, just apologize for bothering them, smile, and get on with your day – no biggie!
“ A smile is worth a thousand words.” – American Proverb
No, we don’t mean a creepy Joker-esque smile, that would definitely scare them away! A friendly, slightly coy smile, however, can work wonders! A great way to do this with maximum effect is by making eye contact when you smile.
Remember though, there’s a fine line between staring at them with your eyes wide open and a huge toothy grin, and a flirtatious smile. Simply do a slight smile and then catch their eye for a few seconds before looking away. This is bound to get someone intrigued by you. It is also important to smile as you approach them. This ensures them you are friendly and interested in making conversation. As well as this, smiling is proven to make someone more attractive.
As Guéguen found in his 2008 study for Social Behavior and Personality: An international journal, men were far more likely to be attracted to a woman who smiled at them as they entered a room than a woman who did not. This has been interpreted by some that smiling is a signifier that someone is interested in you, so it works both ways.
3. It’s all in the eyes
“Look into his angel eyes, one look and you’re hypnotized” – Abba ‘Angel Eyes’
We already mentioned the importance of making eye contact when we discussed smiling in the last section. However, it is so important that it needs its own dedicated section.
Eye contact is one of the best non-verbal forms of flirting one can take part in. For example, if you clock someone in a crowded room that you are attracted to, you can test the waters by trying to catch their eye contact and holding it for a few seconds before looking away.
A professor called Arthur Aron has conducted studies that have led him to theorize that staring into the eyes of another person can have a really powerful impact. In fact, two participants of his study got married after taking part in an experiment where they had to gaze into each other’s eyes for four minutes!
Now, we are not suggesting that this may happen to you, of course. However, there is clearly a lot to be said for eye contact. It can also help to ensure that the person you are trying to flirt with knows that you are genuinely interested in them and what they have to say. This, too, is another important aspect of flirting that we are going to explore in the next section.
4. Be a good listener
“A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen.” – Ambrose Bierce
People tend to be attracted to those who they can form a connection with. This means they feel listened to and understood. It’s important that when you talk that you don’t make it all about you. Take as much as you give. By this we mean, for everything you say about yourself, try and ask them a question or allow them to take the conversation further.
When they are talking, make sure to keep eye contact with them using the ‘Triangle Technique’. By this, we mean make an invisible triangle on their face in your mind. Each eye is a corner of the triangle, and their lips are the pint. Gaze at each of them in turn as you are listening to them talk to show that you are engaged with what they are saying.
Also, don’t underestimate the power of some nods in agreement and small sentences in reply as they talk, just make sure you are listening completely and not just nodding along randomly or else you risk agreeing with something you didn’t mean to.
5. Pay a genuine compliment
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” – Mark Twain
In general, most people adore receiving a compliment. However, these compliments must be genuine or else you are just going to be met with an awkward smile and an eye roll when you leave.
We don’t recommend just walking up to someone you find attractive and saying “I think you are really sexy”. At best, they are probably going to laugh in your face, at worst, they might slap you for being so objectifying. Instead, why not compliment something about them that is not to do with how they look.
For example, if you have already shared a small conversation with them you can compliment how confident they come across when they are talking, or how passionate they seem about whatever you were discussing. Another nice compliment that is far nicer than “You are hot” is saying something along the lines of “Your energy is so warm”, or “Your smile is contagious…it’s making me smile too”.
6. Gently touch them
“Touch my body” – Mariah Carey, ‘Touch My Body’.
This is where reading the other person is very important. If you have been engaged in a conversation for a little while, you could try very gently and subtly touching their hand as they talk, or their shoulder. Of course, you should only do this if the person is reciprocating conversation and seems just as interested.
Touching them gently on an area such as their hand, arm or shoulder can signify how interested in them you are and your desire for more closeness with them. It shows you find them physically attractive as well as intellectually interesting.
This should be executed very carefully as you do not want to make them uncomfortable. This is a technique that is commonly used by women to flirt, as found in a 2016 study by Wade and Feldman. Furthermore, a man being touched by a woman is thought to be one of the indicators (at least from the male perspective) that a woman is attracted to him.
What we know for sure is that humans crave touch, and gently touching someone as a way of flirting with them can help bring two people closer together.
7. Be yourself
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde
When you are flirting with someone, our guess is that you want them to be attracted to you. This means that you need to be you rather than putting on a persona to seem more confident, or more funny, or more successful.
This may seem nerve wracking, especially if you suffer from low self-esteem. It can seem easy to copy the personality of your favorite confident TV character or friend. However, this will not do you any favors in the long run.
Be yourself, even if yourself is sometimes a little shy or dorky – in fact, we think dorky is good! The good news is though, a study found that people with low self-esteem can flirt as well and as effectively as those who have good levels of self-esteem. They just need to feel comfortable enough to try to flirt.
So there you have it, there’s no excuse not to be yourself, especially when people can usually tell when someone is being disingenuous.
8. Say something funny or witty
“I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh” – Maya Angelou
It is no secret that a good sense of humor is one of the foremost important traits people look for in a romantic partner. Therefore, making the person you are attracted to laugh in a genuine way is a good way to set you off on the right foot.
A study in 2015 showed that being responsive to humor can be a sign of warmth between two people and of relational connection. This is because laughing with someone, mutually, can create a sense of companionship and can add to the enjoyment two people feel among one another.
So if you are a naturally funny person, show off that side of yourself. If you know any cool jokes, tell them and gauge their reaction. Humor is a two-way street and you should be able to tell quite easily whether your senses of humor align. Wit, especially, can be a sign of intelligence for many people, and just so happens to be something that many people find attractive. (Not feeling funny? Don’t worry, you can learn how to be funny.)
9. Tease them
‘You are such a tease’
No, we don’t mean in a playground, name-calling way. We simply mean being a little playful with them. Be a little cheeky by telling them something along the lines of “You are the most fun person I’ve met…. Today, anyway”.
Say it with a smile and a laugh so they know you are just playing with them. This technique is called Pushing and Pulling and it describes the way a compliment is dangled in front of someone and then pulled away in a jokey manner. The theory is that a person will want what they can’t have and will be intrigued by the person doing this technique.
There you have it, your guide to becoming the most flirtatious flirt possible. We bet you started this article thinking you would have to swear off flirting for the rest of your life because you had no idea how to do it. Bet that’s not the case anymore though, right? These flirting tips are all things that we do naturally when there is chemistry between two people, you just probably never thought of it as flirting before now!
The great thing about flirting is that it can be really personalized to your (and the flirtee’s) preferences. If you find that you’re not the best at making cute little jokes and witty remarks to make the person laugh, you can adapt your flirting style to include other things on the list. You’ll soon find that you want to flirt with everyone all the time, because let’s face it – flirting is fun! Remember though, if the aim of your flirting is to gain a relationship with someone you have a long standing crush on, it’s probably best that you don’t flirt with everyone.
Flirting should be natural, and even though it may seem a little forced in the first instant you approach someone because of nerves and uncertainty, you should find that soon it becomes a doddle. Don’t be afraid of rejection either – not everyone will be feeling the same vibes as you and that’s cool. Flirting should be consensual from both parties, and if one or both of you aren’t feeling it, just step back. Likewise, no one likes forcefulness – you shouldn’t have to force a relationship, so if it seems like things are being forced, back away! Most of all, have fun with it! Enjoy your new found flirty skills.
We hope you found this article super helpful and are feeling like the next Casanova! Happy flirting, everyone – we hope you have the best flirt ever!